Character Bios

SEASON 2


GO STRAIGHT TO…

Ep. 1: Friendly Greg Steamy Toots – Patrick Murphy

Ep. 2: Kidzwick – Hamish – Nimrod – FartKevin – Cephalabob – The Bladderpede

Ep. 3: Wise Steve – L’il Cherub – Mac Hazard

Ep. 4: Prince Cognis – Captain Ratface

Ep. 5: Parker the Parking Droid

Ep. 6: Ultra-Dame Buggelsheim – Haemorrhage Spleen-ManglerJames


Ep. 1: Scum of the Universe

Friendly Greg"GREG NOT EVIL...! GREG HASSs... A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT..."

Species: ???

A mysterious creature of unknown origin. It forced its way onto the crew some time between Season 1 and 2, ingratiating itself with the Captain through very obvious sucking-up and tentacle-based massages.

No one knows who or what Friendly Greg is, or if ‘Friendly Greg’ is even its real name (it’s highly doubtful).

It seems to enjoy creeping around in vents and playing the ukelele.

Despite its insistence on its trustworthiness, Friendly Greg was eventually revealed to be working for Buggelsheim, and was last seen plummeting into a Bog of Used Syringes.

Trivia: Friendly Greg’s side of the story will be told in the upcoming feel-good indie rom-com ‘Loving Me, Loving You, Loving Friendly Greg’, coming to holosets everywhere. Friendly Greg will be played by a Duck-Billed Manticore that ate a distant descendent of Daniel-Day Lewis.

 

Steamy Toots"S’alright, me ol’ mucker. This is aaall just a bit of indigestion before the relief of your southern wind."

Species: Muckmite

 Enjoys landfill humour.

Steamy runs a small team on Trashteroid 9, a satellite of junk orbitting a planet too sophisticated to deal with its own waste.

He appreciates the Muckmite philosophy of ‘the natural flow’, balancing all things in life as one balances their digestive system.

Steamy provides the crew with a software upgrade for their spaceship systems computer in return for highly-prized Indigestion tablets, which are worth more to a Muckmite than diamonds.

Trivia: Steamy agreed to the deal with Murphy after bonding over their shared experiences living in scrapheaps.

 

Patrick Murphy

Species: Human

Coming soon…

 

"THE MOMENT YOU FINISH, WE WILL MAKE CEREAL OF YOUR BRAINS."

Haemorrhage Spleen-Mangler

Species: Gorrian

Haemorrhage Spleen-Mangler likes mangling spleens.

He and his partner, James, are Bounty Hunters with varying success rates. They always catch their prey… but have yet to figure out how to set their Laser Chainsaws to ‘Stun’, not ‘Disintegrate’.

Haemorrhage was pressured into the job due to his family name, ‘Spleen-Mangler’. He has never met his parents (Gorrian tradition is to give a baby 2 things before leaving forever: a name, and a firm punt across a field), but is never quite sure how much of his organ-demolishing job was his own choice.

He does like making lungs into fancy hats.

Trivia: Due to the overexposure of hyper-violence in Gorrian culture, the name ‘Haemorrhage Spleen-Mangler’ is the Gorrian equivalent to ‘John Smith’.


"DELICIOUS BRAIN CEREAAAAAAAAL!"

James

Species: Gorrian

James is particularly fond of brain cereal.

Haemorrhage’s partner Bounty Hunter. While Haemorrhage is the brains of the operation, James is the looks. James enjoys his job immensely, probably more than his partner.

The two met at a company picnic.

A Space Mountie once (politely) scarred James’ eye with their moustache while attempting to ride him, which is why he has a fearful respect for them and all of Space Canada.

Trivia: Due to the overexposure of hyper-violence in Gorrian culture, the name ‘James’ is actually far more terrifying than ‘Haemorrhage Spleen-Mangler’.

 

 


SEASON 1

Ep. 1: Ambassador Murphy, Chip McMash, Minders

Ambassador Murphy

Species: Human

The peaceful representative of planet Earth.

It is Ambassador Murphy’s life goal to raise the appeal of humanity and improve democratic relations with the other sentient beings in the Universe. Though initially the post had as much power as any other civil servant, Mrs. Murphy has risen in power to the point of rivaling the ailing Emperor.

Mrs. Murphy is the widow of Patrick Murphy and mother of William Murphy. It is thought that even her marriage was a solution to her career, as Patrick Murphy’s heroic and daring exploits were to finally attract the attention of the Universe.

In her down-time, Mrs. Murphy enjoys gardening and testing her 10-foot tall Diplomacy-Ready Armoured Exoskeleton with Pacifying Projectiles, aka the Maternity Mech.

 

Chip McMash

Species: Human

A reporter on Earth for ‘Royal Nip Slips’ magazine.

The digital magazine is widely praised for its thorough research and unbiased opinions on the subject of Imperial Areolas.

 

Minders

Species: Human

Patronising Robots created under the leadership of Ambassador Murphy.

Minders were designed to be First Contact Units. As humanity was coming into contact with more bizarre aliens that required unprecedented levels of diplomacy, research was focused into making a robot with a Universally appealing and calming design.

They came up with a screen with a smiling face on it.

A Minder’s toolset consist of The Thumbs Up, The Double Thumbs Up, and the Universal sounds of peace (90% of which are cat sounds). They are used to quell illegal activities on New Norwegia.

They are incredibly susceptible to laser blasts.

 

Ep. 2: Loafer (Oort’s Parasite)

Loafer (Oort’s Parasite)

Species: Nefarious Flesh Nibbler

A parasitic growth on Oort.

Nefarious Flesh Nibblers as a species are weak but conniving, and will constantly abandon their hosts in an attempt to find the most dangerous creatures in the Universe.

Loafer met Oort while Oort was working in a call centre, and Loafer was making a complaint about the poor signal on his Hologram-o-phone. The Undulon Gigas is a rare creature of immense strength and poor brainpower; a perfect target.

Loafer used Oort to join the Centauri Mob, and was dispatched to kill Rho Teller and take over Asteroid Wily. A raging Dubwart Boy Band War Party carried Loafer off to an unknown fate.

Ep. 3: The Grand Not-George, The Mop

The Grand Not-George

Species: Not-George

The spiritual leader of the Not-George civilisation (if it can be called that). The Grand Not-George acted as the voice of the Not-George community on the Feeble Moon.

The position is granted to the winner of a very mature election debate. Each year’s topic is: ‘I like George more than you because…’ The Grand Not-George continues to be leader as no one can think of a counter to the ultimate debate technique, ‘I like George more than you ‘because I do so there.’

Despite being a seemingly peaceful species, the Not-Georges proved to be easily swayed by power, and the Grand Not-George briefly took up The Mop as their mighty weapon to cleanse the Universe.

 

The Mop

A mop belonging to Norman.

It has a minimal-level Artificial Intelligence, helping it to distinguish dirt from grime. However, even this low level of technology was seen as a Wonder by the primitive Not-Georges, who stole it from Norman to use as a weapon of soggy justice against their foes.

It likes dirty things.

Ep. 4: Harmonious Buttocks, G’narth the Destroyer, Stinkhorn

Harmonious Buttocks

Species: Barfly

A contact of Rho Teller‘s who lives on Ozmorb (a giant alien Godscallop).

As a Barfly, Harmonious Buttocks can only be seen by some species at a specific level of intoxication. It frequents the Hive of Scum and Villainy when making exchanges with species that need this alcoholic sense boost.

Even in Barfly language its name is not very respectable.

 

G’narth the Destroyer

Species: ???

A bizarre alien that joined Rho and Murphy for festivities and drinks on Ozmorb.

It is unknown if G’narth the Destroyer is some form of creature that only exists during times of inebriated joy, or if it is perhaps an interdimensional being that accidentally warped into that specific moment in time, or, most likely, if it is simply a lonely and awkward alien that phases in and out of other people’s fun trying to blend in.

Either way, no lunch for G’narth.

 

Stinkhorn

Species: Fungalonian

The dapper owner of the ‘Bots and Bits’ robotics repair shop on Ozmorb.

Stinkhorn was planted in his shop to run it by his father, who was planted upstairs. He was motivated to design, build and repair robots when his Frisbee got stuck on a high shelf as a child that he was unable to reach. Stinkhorn uses his bots to compensate for his sticky situation.

Norman bonded with Stinkhorn over their shared appreciation of gizmos. However, seeing a rare moment to escape from his trapped life, Stinkhorn attempted to capture Norman and Yug using his natural Fungalonian Knock-Out Spores.

Ep. 5: Ultra-Dame Buggelsheim, Theodore Thunderbolt, Simmons

Ultra-Dame Buggelsheim

Species: Megamoeba

4th Wealthiest Individual in the Known Universe.

Ultra-Dame Buggelsheim made her fortune buying the deed to a diamond planet, and then hiding it to make sure demand remained high and supply seemed low. With the wealth from her first planet, she bought another diamond planet, hollowed it out to live inside, and took on the eccentricities necessary with wealth.

She also inherited a few gajillibillion currencies from the Megamoeba she split from, the 3rd Wealthiest Individual in the Known Universe, but Buggelsheim insists she earned her fortune from her own efforts.

Buggelsheim enjoys personal projects attempting to raise the profile of lower species, usually by making them a laughing stock for quick fame.

 

Theodore Thunderbolt

Species: Human

Large-chinned heroic Captain of the SS Nova King.

Theodore Thunderbolt and William Murphy both attended the Dashing and Daring Space Captains Academy on Earth. While Murphy crashed and burned repeatedly, Theodore’s ability to charm and romance even the asexual Nose-Picking Snotrobber saw him graduating with honours.

Though aware of his tremendous ego, Ambassador Murphy granted Captain Thunderbolt the flagship Nova King, in the hopes that his exploits, while ludicrous, would get humanity noticed.

Thunderbolt uses the Aura of Importance, a graduation gift that fills all sentient beings within a short radius with overwhelming awe.

Fond of one-on-one combat, Thunderbolt has had various body parts replaced with cybernetic alternatives, including his chin (which plays his theme song), his pecs (which light up in the dark) and his left buttock (which has a built-in bum warmer).

 

First-Mate Simmons

Species: Human

First Mate on the SS Nova King under Captain Thunderbolt.

A trained specialist in ‘Disappointed-Eye-Rolling’ with a doctorate in ‘By-The-Booksology’.

Simmons is so efficient that she maintains the entire Nova King almost singlehandedly, acting as 4 separate engine room teams, pilot, health & safety officer and even as the catering staff.


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