Erumpus Rex
The Erumpus Rex is an alien with a surprising amount of teeth for an herbivore. It mainly lives on a diet of space cabbages.
It eats and excretes through the same orifice.
Fungalonian
Fungalonians resemble mushrooms and toadstools from Earth, though of a much larger size and greater brain power.
They remain rooted where they are planted for their entire lives. Many Fungalonians will construct small businesses to plant their children in and give them a head-start in life.
Gawping Merbird
A rare and endangered species hunted to the point of extinction. Environmental conservationists blame the Merbirds for constantly bathing in gravy.
Made extinct by Ultra-Dame Buggelsheim, 4th wealthiest individual in the Universe, in an attempt to bring back the long-lost human sport of Golf.
Glocken Eel
The back-end is referred to as the Nag, and usually reminds the other not to eat so much and offers balanced dietary options.
Long, serpentine aliens with a head on either end of their bodies.
To accuse a Glocken Eel of being aroused by bubbles is the rudest possible gesture; King Rockem Sockem Eel declared all bubbles to be his own personal property, and waged a tremendous war across the ocean planet in his attempt to claim them all. The war was only ended by the timely invention of soap.
Do not remind a Glocken Eel of these dark days.
Godscallops
A species of tremendously large aliens. Godscallops grow to become planet-sized and act as hosts to an entire ecosystem as they travel through the cosmos.
Godscallops feed off of solar radiation, though they won’t complain if you throw nuts into their continent-sized mouths.
Godscallops are contenders for the oldest species in the Universe; even then, the oldest known Godscallop has only just chosen where it is going for college. This means they are likely to outlive most sentient life in the Universe.
Because of their size, Godscallops have multiple smaller brains scattered around their body. This means they are at once both incredibly intelligent and monstrously thick. Each Godscallop had to invent its own language, not realising the others were doing the same, so they have no way of communicating with each other.
Grumblegrogs
One of the most cantankerous species in the Universe.
Grumblegrog curses are so intense that they leave third-degree burns on the tongues of those who try to use them.
Human
Humanoid in shape. Prone to excessive sweating. Humans partake in daily rituals of Waste Excretion and Self-Doubt, usually at the same time.
Humans originate from the planet Earth, or New Norwegia. Though they have only recently managed intergalactic travel, they were quick to spread and colonise useful planets. Initial contacts with alien species proved to be disastrous.
Though ruled by Norwegian Royalty, a great deal of power belongs to Ambassador Murphy. With nothing left to do on Earth, those involved in raising Earth’s status in the Universe received a staggering amount of importance, making the Space Captains a revered part of Norwegish culture.
Minders are used as a peaceful and patronising alternative to Law Enforcement.
Humans repeatedly fail to raise their intergalactic classification to ‘Recognised Sentient Beings’, instead remaining at ‘Suitable Hosts for Fungus’.
Hypocritical Hippo Critters
At the 4 billionth ‘Universal Sickest Burn’ competition, the phrase “You’re worse than the Hypocritical Hippo Critters of Obnoxious 8!” was the unanimous winner.
In honour of this achievement, the next discovered planet and species were named after this amazing and original insult. Neither the Hippo Critters nor the planet Obnoxious 8 have any traits resembling those of their names.
“We should have renamed the Humans this instead” won the next competition.
Aqua Glob to Dubwarts
Megamoeba to Undulon Gigas
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